'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
