im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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