We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
