i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize