I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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