How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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