it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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