you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
