how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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