So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
