Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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