I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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