get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
