Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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