I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
