Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize