i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
