i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
