Got a toothbrush?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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