I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
