put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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