Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
