It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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