honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
