a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This house was built for laser tag.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
