i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
