at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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