I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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