Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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