Porn is love you can see.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need a beard to bite.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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