I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
