I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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