my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You dont lie about slip and slides
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
