Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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