Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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