Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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