Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
