Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
