do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
