It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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