Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
