Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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