Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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