So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i think my mom watched the whole time
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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