i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize