I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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