And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
