Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize