Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
