My room smells like vodka and shame
i love accidental penises.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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