I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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