i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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