Non-Jews are for practice
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
