i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize