i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
