is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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