I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize