You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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