The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
