i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
