lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
