All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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