dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
