I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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