Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
