I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
