Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
