You can't special order awesome
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize