i wish peter jackson would direct porn
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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