Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
