apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize