Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
